As women, and well, humans really, we love to be complimented. If we just got a new haircut, bought a new outfit, or dropped a few pounds, there is nothing better than someone else noticing and complimenting us. So, why is it that we can be so bad at accepting compliments? And why are women much worse at this skill than men? While I’m not sure of the root cause of the issue, I am sure that it begins at an early age. This video shot by teenagers may be goofy but their point rings true.

Even teenage boys are annoyed by girls not being able to accept a compliment well. Just think of how bothered adult men are that women STILL have not learned this art. In fact, women even have a hard time accepting a compliment from other women.  The woman in this video even admits that though she knows the best way to accept a compliment, she finds it hard to do.

So, what do you say when someone compliments you? Let’s look at the different responses from this video.

The first response is full of conceit and puffery. If you respond to a compliment with, “oh I know! I DO look fabulous tonight, don’t I?” Well, obviously, you’ll come off as full of yourself. And while having confidence is a great attribute, and especially good to exude on a date, being self-absorbed is not.

In the second response, the complimentee feels compelled to return a compliment right away. Oftentimes, this leaves you, as with the woman in the video, frantically searching for something nice to say back. This method not only looks fake but can find you saying some very awkward, if not offensive response. So, just don’t do it! Your complimenter did not say something nice to you simply to get a nice response back (or at least we really hope not). So, don’t contrive some lame compliment back just to return the favor. If you truly want to compliment your date, do so later in the night. Make sure your date knows your compliment is genuine and not made out of obligation to pay a compliment back.

If a date tells you how great you look, do you go into a diatribe about how you weren’t sure the dress was flattering (“Really? Doesn’t it make my butt look big?”) and your hair didn’t do what you wanted it to (“My hair is so flat today though.”). As the third response in the video depicts, no one wants to hear all the reasons why they are wrong to have liked such and such. Men especially, aren’t looking for a list of excuses for why complimenting you wasn’t a good thing. They have put themselves out there by offering a compliment. Don’t contradict them. Tell them how much you appreciate their kind gesture. Save the diatribe on why your date is crazy for complimenting your dress or hair or whatever for when you recount your date to friends.  Such responses do not make you look modest or humble. They do make you seem insecure and lacking confidence. You want to be comfortable with yourself and allow your date to see that you are.

Hopefully, or at least from now on, you’ll graciously say, “thank you so much” and nothing more. Just remember that a compliment needs only one response: Thank you.