Ideally, in the dating world you meet someone, decide that there is mutual interest, agree to date, and it possibly turns into a long lasting relationship.  In reality, meeting someone happens mostly by chance.  You may get lucky and meet someone right away, or it may take many chance meetings.  Whether you meet at a singles event, church, outing at a park, an – ahem – blind date, or you attend hundreds of functions, meeting your match is still random.

Dating online is different in the respect that you ‘pre-screen’ potential partners by placing a personal advertisement for yourself. You ‘advertise’ who you are and what you are seeking by setting up a profile, list some of your interests, background, a few photos, describe who you would like to meet, then browse or search for others that have similar interests. Once you find profiles that match your initial wish list, you communicate, possibly meet, date, and who knows…

The difference with random dating and online dating can be described like this: you attend a singles event with 100 people, you may have to talk with all 100 people and tell them your basic beliefs, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc., and listen to their ‘stories’ to possibly find compatible matches of which you may find 5, 10 if you are lucky.  Online, your profile can target just those ten people, then you can spend more time finding out more from those ten, rather than going thru the first ninety.

I have personally attended singles events, singles bars, social and business events, and even the grocery store with marginal success (success defined as meeting someone who has common interests, where we mutually agree to go out on a date).  I am sure if I was out there every day, I would meet a lot more people (and spend a lot more money), but for me it isn’t the easy path.  I choose to do the online thing.  When I am online, I may have 2 to ten people that I am conversing with usually by email.  After several emails, we decide if we want to meet or wish each other best of luck in our search.  By going this route, I only spend a few hours a week in online conversations, with people that have similar interests with me, instead of going out to a club and saying “Hey- I am an interesting dude- want to get to know me?”.  The best part, is I don’t have to stand in line and be perceived as another guy with a cheesy line.

Online dating is a type of social networking which allows individuals to meet online and share their stories to develop relationships in a web format designed for such engagements.  OK- that may be a bit technical. Dating sites are a safe way of meeting people without having to ‘chase’ or be chased in the nightlife scene. The internet provides the opportunity to communicate with an unknown person in a relatively safe environment. When you find a compatible person, you may decide to meet, and possibly date, thus eliminating the randomness and risk of normal dating.

There are many dating sites, tons of hip magazines offering dating tips, dating coaches and general ‘how-to’ dating blogs all blasting messages  about how easy it is, and how your soul mate is just a few clicks away. The typical ‘newbie’ online dater will either click on one of the dating ads on some website, go to a site they saw advertised on TV, radio or magazine, are referred to a site by a friend, or they use a search engine to find a site they heard about.  Initially, this may be a good plan, but it pays to do a little research before you jump right in.

There are various types of sites, free and by subscription.  Some allow you to browse before you subscribe, while others wave a carrot in front of you by offering a trial period and some fancy guarantee.

While the offers may seem good, my personal recommendation is that you only use the sites that allow you to at least browse, so that you can find if there are enough members in the site to make it worth your while.

For example, I saw an ad once that said there were some 1200 people in my area that are single and looking.  The ad showed a little credibility by not only listing the zip code I live in, but also used my first name.

I was curious, and fell for the ad.  It took me to a site, asked me to create a basic profile, which I could finish completing later, and then let me do a basic search.  Upon searching, it truly showed that there was1200 people in my area, but after looking closer, the age bracket was from 18-90.  I refined the search, and discovered that there was only 60 or so within 4 +/- years of my age.  Of these 60, 3 profiles had been active in the past week, another 5 in the past month, and the rest not active in over 3 months.  But they were happy to take my 19 bucks-a-month subscription, and allow me to contact the members.

It wasn’t until I went thru this with another ad- targeting my zip code and using my first name, which I discovered that both sites (that supposedly had offices in different parts of the US) had basically the same profiles and results.

Hmmm.  Not only was I a little miffed at the targeted ad, being a web programmer I wanted to know how they found out my zip and first name.  I discovered they use a backdoor trick to search for cookies on my computer left from legitimate dating sites.  I also discovered that they literally ‘borrow’ profiles from other sites to populate theirs, to make it look like they have many members.

I will get into the cookie thing in another post, and how you can protect yourself from mischievous dating cookie mongers.  I also don’t want to scare you from trying the dating sites.  The success outweighs the scams.

In the next few blogs, I will reveal the top dating sites that you should use if you are serious about online dating, how to set up a profile that rocks and actually gets quality responses, what other social media sites you should use and what you should put in your profile. I will also cover a few key issues about dating safety and how to avoid the losers.  If you have any questions, please leave them in the comment section, and I will be happy to answer.

Until next time, Good Dating!

Duncan