Whether man or woman, there are some definite no-no’s after a break up. If you ever hope get back with your ex or even to maintain a civil relationship with him or her, be sure to avoid these common pitfalls.

1. Deny the break up. So, your girlfriend or boyfriend says, “I think we should break up.” Do NOT reply with, “No. I refuse to break up.”  Denying the break up will not make it any less of a break up. Remember that it takes two to make a relationship work. If your significant other wants a break up, agree to it. (Note: If your girlfriend or boyfriends says, “do you think we should break up?” Answer them honestly. They might be looking to you to offer hope to continue the relationship.)
2. Stalk your ex. Obsessively text messaging, emailing, calling, driving by their house or place of work is the best way to run off an ex. Get a grip of your emotions! Don’t harass an ex. Have a friend that you can call or text whenever you have the urge to contact your ex. And re-direct your energy into something productive (your hobbies, sports, exercise, etc.).
3. Drunk dial. We’ve all probably had an ex drunk dial us at some point. And most likely, we’ve all been guilty of such behavior ourselves. Don’t do it! While there is no crime in going out for a few drinks after a break up, there is EVERYTHING wrong with drunk dialing. Leave your phone at home or give it to a trusted friend if you feel you might be at risk for drunk dialing.
4. Flaunt a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Think making your ex jealous is the key to getting him or her back? Think again! You’re only going to upset your ex and maybe even drive them into the arms of another. If you care about your ex, don’t do things to hurt them.
5. Threaten to hurt yourself. You might feel as if your world is ending and you can’t go on living without your ex. Those emotions are natural. Acting on those emotions by trying to harm yourself or telling you ex you are going to harm yourself is NOT natural or OK. If you feel as if you might act on such emotions, get professional help. Don’t tell your ex. Your ex will see your behavior as a weakness (not a turn on) and might feel guilted into getting back together with you. A relationship built on guilt won’t last. Get some help so that you can cope with your emotions.
6. Send gifts/cards. Don’t load your ex’s house with lavish flower bouquets, stuffed animals, or oversized “I love you” cards. After a break up is not the time to make grand romantic gestures to win back an ex. While your intensions may be good, you could scare off your ex, or worse, make them mad (i.e., “why didn’t he ever send flowers when we were together?”). Save the big romantic gestures for when you get back together or your next relationship (you know, to avoid another break up!).
7. Blame your ex. Don’t tell all your mutual friends all the things your ex did wrong to cause your break up. And don’t yell at your ex when they break up with you about how everything was their fault. Take blame for your own actions or simply plead the fifth when friends ask about the break up. A simple, “it just didn’t work out” should suffice.
8. Blame yourself. Just as you shouldn’t blame your ex for all your relationship issues, you shouldn’t blame yourself for the whole break up either. Don’t obsess over what might be wrong with you and why your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore. “Am I too fat, too ugly, not talkative enough, too short, etc.?” Your confidence will surely take a dip after a break up. Don’t add to it by beating yourself up. Instead, remind yourself of your good qualities. Vow to learn something from the break up so that you won’t make the same mistake in your next relationship.
9. Retaliate. Revenge is NOT the answer to a break up. No matter how mad you are or how much your ex hurt you, revenge won’t help. Don’t key his car. Don’t put sugar in her gas tank. Don’t break into his email account and send nasty messages to his new girlfriend. Don’t spread rumors about her. These behaviors are immature and destructive. Revenge is toxic to you, your ex, and your future relationships. No one is going to want to date someone who turns psycho when things don’t work out. Remember to keep your emotions in check and find something productive to channel your energy into.
10. Accidently bump into your ex on purpose. Don’t stage a big “accidental” meeting where you look great and act happy just to entice your ex back. Your plan will be obvious and just make you look desperate, which is the opposite of your intension.