This is a guest post by Star.

I love the quote by the French Author Jules Renard, “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”

When you are in a relationship, it can feel like being on a roller coaster. Sometimes the relationship is up and sometimes down.  This is not a bad thing, as I see it.  Having ups and downs means your relationship is dynamic and not stagnated.

However, many people are just too lazy to work at the relationship and therefore remain in the down position. Yes, it’s true. Laziness is a major factor in bad relationships. Oh, it’s so tiring to work so hard when you think to yourself,  “I am already in this relationship so why do I need to continue working so hard at it?”

Many people tend to take things for granted, especially relationships.  And most of us have some degree of laziness, so it is common and natural to fall back on that and use it as an excuse.

My best advice to you is to find your motivation. For example, if you feel that your relationship is comfortable and going smoothly but you do not have the butterflies in your stomach you used to have and you miss the feeling, your motivation should be to get that excitement back.

So pick yourself up, take a blank page and write down some steps that can help you start. Use the following guidelines to help you overcome your laziness and get your relationship back on track.

• Create a sense of urgency which will push you to act
• Think about what will happen if you don’t do anything
• Look at the benefits if you do
• Decide what the next action is and set a time frame for that action
• Do one thing at a time
• Challenge yourself
• Overcome the laziness

A lot goes on behind the scenes in the minds of men and women during a first date or first encounter. Both are rating the other while simultaneously hoping the other is rating them high. But are men and women evaluating the other on similar grounds? For the most part, the answer is no. Check out this video as one example of how men and women view first dates differently.

While this video is comical and depicts some stereotypes of how men and women think, it does bring to light an important point. Men and women are not looking for the same thing when they first meet a potential date. Most women look at a man’s long term potential. While not all women will think, is this a guy I would marry, they might be thinking, is this a guy I could have a long meaningful relationship with (or in this situation, can I stand this man for more than 15 minutes).

Men, on the other hand, don’t often think in such long terms on a first date or first meeting. (I know, I’m making generalizations here. Not all men or women think alike.) Many men look at a first date and evaluate their level of attraction for their date while trying to judge their date’s level of attraction for them. This doesn’t mean that men are only interested in sex or in a physical relationship. It simply means that men and women judge each other differently on a FIRST meeting or first date. Many men have said they would not pursue a long term relationship with a women that slept with him on a first date. So, though he may THINK about sex right away and even WANT it, he is looking for a deeper connection and will respect a women who waits more than one who jumps into bed with him right away.

On your next date, keep in mind that you and your date might not be evaluating the situation on the same lines. And take a lesson from this video by not jumping to a judgement too quickly. Be open minded to your date … and for more than 5 to 15 minutes!

So, what are you thinking on a first date? Leave a comment about what you are thinking about on a first date. Do you agree with the video?

While writing my latest book on dating after 40, I realized that many first dates are doomed before they even start. This is not because the couple is mismatched or there is anything wrong with the individuals themselves. Many times, dates are doomed because the couple chooses the wrong location for the first date. Just as it is true is business, the location can make or break you. To help couples combat this problem, I have created these two lists of the Top 5 BEST places for a first date and the Top 5 WORST places for a first date.

Top 5 BEST First Date Locations

1.     Hotel Lounge: I’m not suggesting by any means that you choose a hotel lounge so that you can take your date upstairs later. That’s a definite no-no! I am suggesting a nice hotel lounge where you can share drinks (i.e., coffee or cocktails), chat in a quiet place, and be in a very public place with people coming and going constantly.

2.     Quiet/Small Café: Going out for coffee is a great first date experience. The problem is that many coffee shops are loud and you end up shouting to your date all night. So pick a place where you can enjoy coffee is a smaller/quieter atmosphere.

3.     Mini-Golf: While this might seem too young or high school-ish to you, mini-golf is a great first date. You and your date will be able to interact with each other and get to know how you both handle activities. You will be distracted by the game and less likely to be nervous and you will learn so much more about your date doing an activity like this rather than just talking.

4.     Ice Cream Parlor: This location lends itself better to summertime first dates, but can be a great spot year round. Grab some ice cream and chat with your date, just try to find a quiet spot or sit outside in nice weather.

5.     Be Active: When picking a first date location, be creative and be active. Consider activities that will distract you from quizzing each other all night allow you both to have fun and see if you are compatible. Hit a rock climbing gym, a batting cage or a go-cart place.

Top 5 WORST First Date Locations

1.    Movies: This might be the traditional date spot or what you have always done on first dates, but the movies is by far the worst place you can take a first date.  In a movie, you are sitting in the dark next to a person you hardly know. You both are focused on the movie but have no interaction with each other. First dates are a time to get to know your date and find out if you are compatible. Steer clear of the movies on first dates. Save this date night for later on in the relationship.

2.    Starbucks or Large Coffee Shops: While getting coffee is a great first date idea, you don’t want to be stuck in a noisy coffee shop and forced to shout at your date all night.

3.    Fine Dining Restaurant: Actually, any restaurant is a bad idea on a first date. Stick to more casual and shorter first dates. IF the date is going well, then you can ask if your date would like to get dinner. Don’t commit to a whole meal before you even get out on the date. If you find out right away that you two aren’t compatible, you’ll be stuck suffering through a whole meal.

4.    Stroll in the Park: While the idea of a stroll in the park is romantic, it does not make a good FIRST date. Parks are not always well populated, which can make this date idea a dangerous one. You also don’t want to get sweaty on a first date so going for a walk, especially in warm weather, could be a messy proposition.

5.    Bar: I don’t advocate meeting potential dates at bars or taking first dates to bars. Bars are too loud and create an atmosphere where drinking too much is just too easy to do. You never want to drink too much on a first date (some even argue you should not drink at all). Instead, you need to concentrate on getting to know your date.

FIRST DATES

Can cause even the most confident man or woman to launch into a panic attack or become a nervous mess. And after sharing some worst first date storieswith my co-workers at lunch the other day, it’s no wonder. Going around the table, there was no shortage of funny, awful, and painful (literally) first date stories. Here are a just a few.

One co-worker shared a story about a friend of hers. Her friend was into modeling and often spent her summers in Miami. After meeting a handsome Italian man one day, she was thrilled when he asked her on a date. He said he knew a cute little place and pronounced the name of it sexily in his thick accent. She graciously accepted. Expecting to go out to one of Miami’s finest eateries, she dolled herself up in a nice evening dress, hair done up just right and killer accessories. Her Italian date showed up right on time. He proceeded to escort her to the cute little restaurant he told her about … Subway. She was mortified to have dressed up for a 6 inch sandwich.

Another co-worker recalled her first date with a boy in her high school that she had been crushing after for years. She was so excited about getting asked out by him that she went overboard with her dress as well. She put on her nicest outfit … even though they were going to a football game. Obviously out of place, she regretted her attire choice immediately. But that wasn’t the worst of it. She fell down the bleacher stairs at the game, calling more attention to herself than she ever wanted. The evening ended with her and her date heading back to his place to say hello to his family. But that didn’t go well either. His family was happy to see her. The problem was that their family dog was TOO happy to see her. Ending the date with the dog getting fresh with you, is no one’s ideal ending (except maybe the dog’s).

The last story, sadly, is one of my own. I used to ice skate every week (if not more) when I lived in Ohio. After meeting a cute guy who was a former hockey player (not pro but just friendly backyard games—or so he said), we decided ice skating would be a fitting first date. I was excited to meet someone with a similar interest … until, that is, I saw him on the ice. He looked like he had never stepped foot on the ice before. Instead of gliding on the ice, he was trying to run on it. If he hadn’t been my date, I would have laughed hysterically at his feeble attempt to ice skate. Instead, I hoped no one realized that I was with him. Unfortunately, I was stuck skating next to the spastic skater the whole night … until he fell. Not wanting to be brought down with him, I did my best to maneuver around him. And I almost succeeded. I didn’t fall. And I missed MOST of him. But his pinky figure and my blade met, leaving his finger with a nice-sized gash. Our date ended after he was bandaged up by the rink staff. And that was the last time we saw each other. He didn’t forget me quickly though. My dad ran into him a few months later, and he showed my dad his scar from our first date.

While these dates were bad, there are so many more stories out there about even worse ones. And while it’s nice to look back and laugh at our misery, it’s also good to remind yourself that you haven’t had the WORST first date. While you might have suffered through a few bad ones, I’m sure some of the stories on these Web site will be even worse.

First dates can be downright rotten. Sometimes it’s a wonder we continue to date. And yet, for some reason we do. I guess if we never went out on bad first dates, we wouldn’t know a good one when it happened. So read the stories of others and be thankful that all your first dates weren’t as bad as theirs.

WorstFirstDates.com

This could be the ALL time Worst First Date!

Late for a First Date?